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WALKING ALONGSIDE YOUTH – AN ONLINE ANXIETY COURSE
SESSION 1
Gaining Insight into Youth with Anxiety
What is Alarm?
Alarm is an emotion shared by all mammals. Our animal kin have a built-in alarm system just like us, that is intended to keep us safe by keeping us close to those responsible for our care and protection. This is especially true for young children and youth who have not had their need to feel safe in relationships with their adults met. These unmet needs for safety fuel the emotion of alarm and the symptoms of anxiety.
Imagine that within each one of us there are alarm bells that go off deep within our bodies that prepare us to move into action to survive. All of this happens under the surface, beneath our awareness. In many cases youth do not even know what the source of their alarm is until it has long passed, and they can find themselves in the safe haven of warm relationship again. This relational haven is not available to many youths, and therefore the source of their anxiety goes unaddressed. Their need for relationship continues to go unmet.
What if a youth’s need for safe relationship continues to go unmet?
Alarm is an emotion shared by all mammals. Our animal kin have a built-in alarm system just like us, that is intended to keep us safe by keeping us close to those responsible for our care and protection. This is especially true for young children and youth who have not had their need to feel safe in relationships with their adults met. These unmet needs for safety fuel the emotion of alarm and the symptoms of anxiety.
Imagine that within each one of us there are alarm bells that go off deep within our bodies that prepare us to move into action to survive. All of this happens under the surface, beneath our awareness. In many cases youth do not even know what the source of their alarm is until it has long passed, and they can find themselves in the safe haven of warm relationship again. This relational haven is not available to many youths, and therefore the source of their anxiety goes unaddressed. Their need for relationship continues to go unmet.
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For instance, if we are walking through the forest and we think we see a bear out of the corner of our eye, our nervous system will immediately activate, moving us in a variety of ways. It may cause us to freeze up and become temporarily immobilized, or it may move us to fight for our life.
In most cases, it gets us out of harm’s way and towards safety by moving us as quickly as possible into the arms of those who can protect us.
When Alarm Gets Stuck
When alarm gets stuck, the nervous system gets stuck, which in turn keeps a young person trapped in survival mode and results in a whole spectrum of symptoms of anxiety. Even after a young person has been placed in much safer circumstances, alarm can remain, and anxiety can persist until the nervous system deems it safe.
Young people in care, who have experienced unexpected and unwanted disruptions, chronic feelings of not being safe, and overwhelming separation from their primary attachments, can get stuck in what Dr. Gordon Neufeld refers to as the flight from vulnerability and the pursuit for connection—two emotionally-driven states, both which manifest and escalate symptoms of anxiety (Neufeld, 2016). When a youth is stuck in either of these states and experiences symptoms of anxiety, their capacity to socially engage gets compromised, affecting their relationships and ability to participate in and enjoy daily life. How this looks for each individual youth can be very different, and may include:
- A lack of receptivity to care
- Self isolation
- Aggressive or destructive behaviours
- Emotional outbursts
- Eating and feeding problems
- Perseverating on certain thoughts
- Imagining the worst
- Irrational fears
- Unusual attempts to make oneself feel safe
These symptoms can be confusing for care providers wanting to help, as youth often become unreceptive to care. Connection can become a source of alarm for youth and can make caregiving hugely problematic and frustrating.
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Reflective Activity
Anxiety Symptom Stress Map
The Anxiety Symptom Stress Map is about identifying past, present, and future stressors and separations in the youth’s life. Download the Activity sheet, fill in your answers online on the next tab, and download to your computer.
Questions for parents:
- What relational stressors, separations, losses, changes, disruptions, or unsafe events has this youth experienced?
- What stressors are they currently experiencing?
- What stressors are they anticipating?
