WALKING ALONGSIDE YOUTH - AN ONLINE ANXIETY COURSE
Session 6
RESTORE
conditions that lead to wellness, resilience and growth
Developing insight
So what needs to be restored, and how exactly do you go about restoring it?
The first step in restoring the conditions that lead to wellness, resilience and growth is to gain insight into adaptation, and to understand the role relationships play in it.
Adaptation is an emotional process, and for this process to unfold in the face of a youth’s lacks and losses, they must be able to feel sadness and grief. Through recovering feelings—specifically through tears—the nervous system is brought to a place of deep rest, which leads to recovery and restoration, and allows a person to function at their best.
Ashley's Story
As you go thru the course, hear the firsthand perspective of Ashley, a former youth in care.
When a youth can cry about all the things that have not worked in their life, they experience healing. Tears are medicine! When a youth seems full of frustration, it is important to remember that underneath that frustration there is often deep sadness and grief that the youth must express in order for them to heal.
Youth can only be vulnerable enough to feel and express emotions if the adults caring for them provide a safe relationship that invites feelings, tears and sadness. If a youth detects even a hint of disapproval or lack of understanding from an important adult in their life, their brain will suppress the very process they need to restore their sense of balance and well-being.
Here are some things you can do that will go a long way in this restoration:
- Invite sadness, tears, grief and disappointment through activities like watching a sad movie together, reading a book together, listening to melancholy music, or going for a drive together.
- Remember to convey a welcoming attitude toward feelings, especially sadness. Let the youth know that all the emotions are welcome and that expressing them will not change the relationship you have with them.
- Remind yourself that indirect ways are most helpful in supporting a youth to feel their sadness and disappointment. Emotion cannot be commanded, and direct methods usually backfire. You may see that the youth has a well of built-up tears, but you cannot force them to feel emotion.
- Model a relationship with your own sadness and disappointments by sharing your stories with them. Find a sense of sameness and understanding.
- Explore the youth’s traditional teachings about sadness, tears and grief. Indigenous healing rituals can provide the conditions for grieving and tears.
- Reach out to local knowledge keepers and Elders to explore opportunities for an Indigenous youth to participate in cultural rituals, such as sweats, drumming groups, land-based experiences, or being smudged off or brushed off. Elders and knowledge keepers are wise about the kinds of things that will be helpful for a particular youth struggling with anxiety.